Don't break a leg son

...alright then I won't. Skiing is a divine sport. It's like walking on air and going down a hill very fast at the same time. Having no fear of death is great and I went straight to the top and fell halfway down the hill straight as soon as I learnt how to stop and turn.

Proposal for my birthday. I don't care about getting any gifts at all, but I would love to go Skiing in France on a cheapo cheapo ticket. It would mean so much to me if all my bitches took the weekend off and went on the piste with me.

Up for it? Mail me and we'll sort out the details. Invite all your friends. I don't care about gifts and don't care if you get me nothing as long as you just ring me or join me. Don't patronise me with materialism.

Two world firsts in a day

Sometimes you wait all your life and two things come along at once.

I went skiing today for the first time ever.

And I ironed my clothes.

So that's two firsts in a day already and that was just in the morning. In the evening I went to my first Filipino Community christmas party and had my first cha cha lesson from a filipino woman.

Oh yeah - and I made my first speech to an audience on a microphone alongside my uncle who got voted onto the board tonight and had my first taste of filipino food, which included the most delicious spring roll I've ever had - it had banana in it. A strange combination in theory but it was absolutely divine.

And of the final world firsts today, it was the first time in the world that I've ever sang karaoke in front of an audience sober...in tagalog.

Not a bad days work if you ask me.

I'm only happy when it rains

I've had the greatest time hanging out with lesbians, plumbers and artists in Vancouver, a lovely city. Am going skiing tomorrow, the accent doesn't get on my nerves, the weather is great (it rains). This country is great.

It has colourful money, not like that monopoly money rubbish down south, and the money has the queens head on it. People are friendly and unpretentious.

hung out today with an artist who was fairly round the bend but very amicable and she drew me a great picture in the travelling sketchpad. Landed in Calgary at 4 o clock and even before I had the chance to drop off my bags I was at a senior citizens christmas party. Tomorrow I'm going skiing and going for a mad dance christmas party with some phillipinos. Aint life grand!?

The groover in Vancouver

Sushi, sake and the Japanese lifestyle. That's for Me baby! I was out on the house sake last night courtesy of the sushi chef at Samurai and man I had one of the best nights out of my life. It was mindblowing.

Contact lenses

I have always been a writer. But writers need inspiration. Warwick is like a gas chamber only not as inspiring or evocative. My mind is free. My words are weapons and one day you will understand what I mean.

Andy 2002

Awwww sniffle. Andys got a cold

Yes the runour is true. I'm ill. But I don't care.

Andy wins the canadian exchange lottery

evenin bitches

Just been out on the town (that is Vancouver town to those of you not already in the know) and have a few things to report.

1/ It's wet
2/ It's cold

So no more smug california e-mails from me ever again you'll be pleased to hear as I walk through the town soaked to the bone feeling like I'm back home again.

What I have found though, to this towns credit is that this country is pretty damn cheap. With the mighty pound coming in at a rip-roaring 2.4 dollars (Yes I did dance around in the bank and sing when they told me the exchange rate - those crazy british) and everything being a damn sight cheaper than in the US anyway I'm living the life of millionaire on the remains of my student loan. Oh happy days.

Yesterday, as soon as I swapped Queen Elizabeth II (British) for Queen Elizabeth II (Canadian) I legged it down to the japanese restaurant elgantly called Samurai in a state of lottery-winning elation and promptly went on to order "everything on the menu with salmon and octopus" and for the first time in my memory actually pushed the bill up into double figures! Stuffed with great japanese food I was disappointed to find I had actually only spent 6 english pounds on conversion but I must say it was one of the finest meals I've had in my life. A true bargain.

Today, still not over the shock of my newfound riches, I strolled off through the perpetual rain down to chinatown where I got promptly lost in a sprawling mass of yellow brothers. Magnificent. So lost was I that I actually went around and around in circles only figuring out that I was retracing my steps because the same drug dealers keep offering me smack every time. I was just contemplating rewarding one of them for his persistence when I finally found my way out of the place.

While there I stumbled across bargain of the century number 2.

I know lots of you geeks, like myself are speccy and occasionally wear contact lenses. As you all know, one a day disposables are expensive, normally a pound a pair, but I found this place here that sells them for a fraction of that. at only 22 dollars a box of thirty with $50 mail in rebate (more of which later) when you buy six boxes, they work out at 90 pairs for a mere $82!!!! That's whata saving of whar? a cool hmmm, 40 quid. Not bad going mister bond.

Obviously down to my last pennies as I am I will probably buy them tomorrow just to spite myself.

On that note though, if any of you want to spite me a little further and take advantage of the cheap rates that other countries have over us brits (yes we are overcharged for everything) and you want some cheap shit just drop me a line and deposit some money in my swiss bank account. I promise I won't run away. honest.

Mail in rebates were explained to me by my new cousin Khiem and go a little something like this. They play on the intrinsic principle that we all know is inherent in all American people - bone-idle laziness. The concept of the mail in rebate is so simple but so effective in this over-rich under-active country and works by reeling the sloth into buying a product with the promise that, by sending in a receipt, you will get some cash back.

Naturally, the yanks do the first as consumerism is a natural impulse in that country, but the second is somewhat more challenging, as actually getting off your arse is an unnatural mode of action in the US.

So they lose money. And they don't care. A legendary ploy!

In a week that has seen me go to a magazine opening in Sunset Boulevard, write poems on a train for a gangsta from crenshaw and cross the border into a country of perpetual rain, I think I can safely say life is good.

On a parting note I would like to just start takin orders for grog and smokes for when I come back. Cos conveniently, when I get off the plame laden with fags and booze, New Years Eve is just around the corner. I don't mind gettin if you don't mind drinkin (and payin) so just get your orders in for the chronic right now on the usual address.

I think I'll make some predictions on orders before I love you and leave you bitches:

Personals

Vix - At the rate you and your mum are killing yourselves, I predict you will be wanting some smokes. Name your brand and they're yours.

Hieu - at the rate I'm spendning money I imagine you want nothing at all. I'm still alive aint I!?! I think you should take advantage of these cheap eyes as I know you wear contacts.

C++ - I predict you will get nothing but a duty free smack in the mouth. Just a hunch. Anyway you can get your own as you're leaving the country (mister C is going to South Africa)

Slutty - I predict you may be getting something before I get back. After all even though I'm away I still have my duty

J++ - I predict you will be gettin nothin as well as piss is too bloody heavy

Sylvester Stallone

I finally got around to doing the one thing that I came to Seattle for today - I went to the master Bruce Lee's grave.

Located at the top of a hill in the Lakewood cemetary it was a peaceful location in an affluent area and the grave itself, nest to Brandon is a mecca for martial arts fans the world over, who come, like me, to pay their respects to a man whose inspirational persona lives on and has inspired us to enlightenment. It was such a humbling experience being in the presence of greatness and I read the 7 Tao poems that he inspired me to write (printed in the diary earlier) to his image on his headstone.

On the way down from the grave I spotted a sign that read "Talent and Models" and pointed into a little cottage-like building. Intrigued I decided to go in, only to find myself filling in an application form to be a model or actor. Fair enough.

And that's when I met him

Sylvester Stallone.

...'s stunt double. Yes the guy running the agency was Sly's stunt double and there were pictures all over the walls of the great man and the even greater man (decide for yourself which I mean) who said that I had a good look about me (of course I agree with him) and said that I need a portfolio to sign up. So it looks like perhaps my last chance at fame this year may have slipped away.

I found out the other day that even my nan has been on TV, and I now feel a little lagging in the fame department. Slit I need to find out if your bird knows anyone who can get me a Portaloo-folio done on the cheap. I'm gonna be on Tele dammit!

The day was topped off with an impromptu visit to a glass art place. Very nice. And the clearly gay but very nice owner gave me a personal blowing demonstation. I was blown away and felt very priveleged indeed.

Goodnight Seattle...

Most of my friends know that I drink tea. Loose leaf Earl Grey with a dash of milk and a quarter of a teaspoon of sugar. And lots of it. I drink a hell of a lot of tea at home.

Some of my friends also know another deep dark secret. NEVER GIVE ME COFFEE. IT MAKES ME HYPERACTIVE.

Seattle is the home of Starbucks and this city's fascination with java is legendary the world over. Now I'm not a man who regular cares about what everyone else is doing but as the old saying goes, when in Rome...

So clasp your hands together and pray for the poor folk of Seattle. They won't know what hit them. God save them all.